


Scream on the inside, and nothing shows

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-08
Updated: 2012-07-08
Packaged: 2018-03-17 00:25:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3508232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skwisgaar based Breakupklok fic, although of course I don’t know wtf is actually going to happen.<br/>Might as well warn you I’m writing depressing crap again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scream on the inside, and nothing shows

Somehow, they’d ended up alone in the hot tub. That almost never happened.  
Skwisgaar still couldn’t believe it was all over, of course there had been fights over the years but they’d always stuck together and worked it out.  
Until now.  
He had no idea at all what he was going to do with the rest of his life.  
Toki was also sitting quietly, staring off in the general direction of the TV. Which wouldn’t have been weird, except the TV wasn’t on.

“So Toki, what ams you goings to be doesing now dat de band ams you-know-whats?” Mostly, he was just tired of the silence in the room.  
“I’s helpings Moiderface with his elections thing! And maybes I’s goings to runs for president.”  
“Pfft, you can’ts be de president, you has to be borns in de USAs.”  
“Okays, so maybe I can be the king of Norways insteads!”  
“For dat you gots to be... Eh, never minds.” It wasn’t worth arguing about.

Feeling strangely cold, Skwisgaar slipped lower in the water. “So ams you goings to miss us alls?”  
“Noes.”  
“No? Nots even a liddle?”  
“We don’ts care abouts each other, that’s the rules. And you can’ts says you’s goings to miss me, all you ever does is complains about everything I does.”  
That wasn’t true of course, but he could see how it might look that way from Toki’s perspective. “You gots to be caring, at least a liddle bits?”

Toki fumbled with the bottle sitting between them, he was at least a little drunk already. “Nopes!” He took a drink and set it back down. “Useds to. I tries for years to be a goods pal and cares about each of all you dildos, but everybody just makes fun of Toki. So fucks it, I don’ts care no more.”  
He knew Toki had tried. In fact it was Toki’s caring that made him push away so hard, he couldn’t handle it, couldn’t risk letting it get under his skin. You couldn’t let people in like that, they always turned around and used it against you later. He’d learned that lesson young and learned it well.  
Toki was looking smug, thinking he was right when he couldn’t have been more wrong.

Skwisgaar sat in silence. He wanted to confess everything, how he longed for some sort of closeness but didn’t know how to accept it, how he tried to numb the pain with meaningless sex when all he sometimes really wanted was to be held by someone who actually cared... He couldn’t say it, he would never be able to say it. He grabbed the bottle and drank, alcohol didn’t really help much but it was the only true friend he had.  
“See, you don’ts even cares!” Toki noticed how much he was drinking. “Heys, don’ts drink all my booze!”  
Skwisgaar finally lowered the bottle. “Pfft, likes we can’ts be gettings more.”

Oblivious, Toki prattled on. “I’s probably goings to makes a solo albums too, you knows, when I’s not busy beings president. And maybe starts mine own bands, I can calls it... Toki and the Secrets Service!”  
That got a small laugh from Skwisgaar. That was the thing with Toki, you never could be sure if he was serious or not. Still sitting low in the water, he impulsively slid all the way under, bracing against the benches to hold himself there. Nothing but the sound of bubbles.  
He wasn’t very good at holding his breath though, and soon had to resurface.

Toki was looking at him strangely, well he’d never done that before so that was probably why. Pushing thick wet hair out of his face, Skwisgaar settled back on the bench normally and grabbed the bottle. His mind was trying to come apart, but he couldn’t allow that to happen. Drink, dull the pain. The shards of his life dug deep into his insides, cutting him forever.  
They would finish the bottle, finish this conversation (such as it was) and then they would stumble off to their beds.  
Toki would be none the wiser, but that’s how it had to be.  
It was all he knew.


End file.
